It's becoming more common due to that 90 day fiancé visa, but also because benefits are so vastly different or non-existent that it makes no sense for one to have it and the other not to. My friend Em urged me to do it, saying it'll be a big de-stressor. If I had a chance to do it all over, I would do everything the same except I would NOT tell a soul. We got married last year with just our two witnesses for a few different logistical reasons. My husband and I did this exact same thing for the exact same reasons. The officiant may provide you with a template. There are moments when he'll whisper to me, "Let's just get married right now," and it makes my heart melt every time! She's the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. My best friend Alisa came to visit us a few weeks ago in San Diego, and she said she would go online to become ordained and marry us in our swimsuits at the beach, right then and there! One was paperwork. And I think that it would even be okay to let people know that you were legally married, but not yet married in the church/community/family way that matters to you.

I have an insurance thing too and I suggested this to my fiancé (because family is impossible to plan around for even a courthouse ceremony). There are several types of secret marriages. As much as secretly getting married sounds fun, I worry that we might hurt the people who mean the world to us. This type of marriage is allowed in some jurisdictions under special circumstances, but not in all locales. It’s about your views and your partners views. The officiant returns the certificate, but no record is kept, except the judge's record, and the file is sealed. If the roles were reversed, I know I would never be any less thrilled for a couple who got married months (or even years) prior to their wedding. I did that. This was actually suggested to my fiance and I by the Reverend of the church. So I guess my tl:dr is that it doesn’t matter if you do a civil ceremony for people do it all the time as just their wedding or before so they don’t have to deal with paperwork and legalities on the wedding day. Especially in light of the coronavirus pandemic, here's why you might want to get married before your actual wedding day. So far everyone that we told had understood and been positive about it, although they say they've never seen it before. Other than that, our work places know. We got legally married February 2018 and our wedding is not til this February 2020. We just had to make a decision to separate a legal marriage from an emotional one. Our closest friends all know but the date they all ‘care’ about is next month.

We don't even have an actual wedding date planned for our real wedding.

It's just a bureaucratic thing to get him healthcare and we don't want to be seen as actually married before we have a ceremony in front of our friends and family, so he doesn't want to tell anyone if we do the legal part sooner. I'll keep you all posted and let you know what we decide! If they seem fine with it do it. Every couple gets overwhelmed at some point or another during wedding planning but how many brides have caught themselves daydreaming about buying a cute dress from the mall and showing up to a secret spot where their future husband awaits to tie the knot? When we get into the engagement and then do the reception, that will be the real wedding for us. A civil secret marriage is a marriage that is not revealed to family and friends.

Your shot at happiness is waaaiting." I was shocked to learn that my pal Karoline had a civil ceremony prior to her "official" wedding with friends and family. I’m also expecting to get downvoted for this but having a civil ceremony doesn’t make it any less or more of a wedding.

Just do what best for your FH. They'd been together for a while so it was all on the up and up. The Spruce uses cookies to provide you with a great user experience.

However, that moment of giddy love quickly leads to thoughts of which loved ones I should text to tell them to join us. My job doesn’t offer insurance to part timers and although I’m in school full-time, my private university doesn’t offer insurance, either. It’s no ones business if you get legally married anyway.

Some couples arrange to meet with the officiant privately for a few minutes after the wedding ceremony so their guests will think that they are signing the marriage certificate.

She's like go up to the courthouse, get it done, you can have the fancy wedding later. So we were thinking of getting legally married this summer, but still considering ourselves engaged (no rings, not telling anyone, no name changing, etc.) It took a lot of discussion to help him understand why we were doing it. We told only our immediate family members (Dad, Mom, sisters and brothers, but no one beyond that).

This type of marriage is allowed in some jurisdictions under special circumstances, but not in all locales. I have a couple of friends who did that. I had a gold standard healthcare package available and he was paying up the wazoo for all his healthcare costs. All the best in your decision and your marriage! Chris is a fun-loving, dedicated police officer and Neda is an Emmy-award winning news anchor who loves to share stories, even her own. Edit: Also, if a family member is helping pay for the wedding, should we tell them to make sure they're okay with it? Here are some common reasons: A couple who has married in secret might want to reaffirm their love for one another with family and friends present. I’m not sure if you feel that it could take away from your wedding due to upbringing or personal beliefs but it’s really not a big deal. Me and my fiancé are doing this! Apply to become a real bride blogger here ►. I have friends who did the same, got married early for visa reasons and never told their family. You don't have to be a celebrity to have a secret marriage. Press J to jump to the feed. I married my husband for an insurance discount . It’s what you make it out to be. I'm not good at keeping secrets, especially if they're my own (I find it far too stressful). Since I'm still pondering our plans, the only advice I have is that there are no rules. If not don’t.

Some others have found out since, we arent "hiding" it, we just arent coming out and shouting it to the world. In the end, though, here are the two key points that answer your question: Just in case I needed healthcare or whatever. Would You Have a Secret Civil Ceremony Before Your Big Day? A judicial secret marriage is one held before a judge, in a closed court session. My parents did this 30 years ago and never told my grandparents. Before the civil wedding, you will be asked to write your own wedding vows. We can’t afford the $400 a month for me to go on her insurance. But I worry because I'm a very honest person, and the idea makes me feel like I'd be tricking people somehow. If they feel uncomfortable then don’t do it.

I love the thought of knowing that my friends shared their nuptials in their own private way before (or instead of) throwing a grand wedding celebration. A Christian wedding in a Christian setting is a great opportunity for a man and a woman to confess their faith in Christ and seal their commitment to one another before the eyes of the watching world. If you want to get married before your wedding ceremony to save time or get any legal ducks in a row, you usually won't need a second license before your big day. I think this is becoming more common, specifically in regards to health insurance. I was a bit shocked but we do belong to a really really open church and I really shouldn't have been surprised by some of the awesome things that come out of that lady's mouth! There’s no language requirement. His friends, one was a foreigner and in order to get her away from her highly religious family and to the US married quickly then had the ceremony 2 years later. I would have to share the news with friends and relatives and hope that people would still be willing to celebrate at the reception as if our marriage was brand-new. A few months ago, I found out that if we sign the marriage certificate, I’ll lose my medicaid insurance. P.S. His quality of life>>wedding. Introducing "One Thing": A New Video Series, The Spruce Gardening & Plant Care Review Board, The Spruce Renovations and Repair Review Board, The immigration status of one partner is at stake, A destination wedding is planned and the international legal processes are challenging, Family disapproval of the choice of a spouse or parental concerns about the couple's ages. Yup, we did it. I've waited 34 years to get married and I've met some really amazing people along the way so I want them to share in our joy. My fiance and I are thinking about doing this due to stress and family bullshit. The last thing I want is for our loved ones to think that we don't care about them enough to invite them to our special day. If my friend had gotten into the union prior to their actual wedding date, my friends were going to get court married so she could get the amazing union benefits. Most couples want to have a secret marriage due to legal and/or financial issues, but there are as many reasons for having a secret marriage as there are couples marrying secretly. No harm no foul imo. Our civil ceremony is in december, but our wedding in July. In New York, however, if an officiant requires a marriage license, a couple that has already legally married may apply for a second or subsequent license from the town or city where they were married. If you're planning a big wedding ceremony and reception to take place months or years away, you may want to consider getting legally married before the party. In keeping with the couple's adventurous spirit, they plan to have a four-day destination wedding somewhere in the United States. This is something to talk to your partner about that you will share your life and big decisions with.

In fact, in most areas, the second license wouldn't be legal, anyway. In Michigan, where secret marriages were approved in 1897, a couple can request a secret marriage after the ceremony is solemnized. Your heart will guide you if you just stop to listen. Sucks, but the cool part is that we get the best of both worlds: the big formal wedding and small engagement in the mountains. So my other question is this: Would you fess up to everyone that you are legally married now and if so, would that lessen the excitement of your wedding night? It's a practice that's gaining popularity for various reasons, from privacy to getting things squared away legally before a wedding ceremony. It cost $35 at the dmv for us. This means there is no public record of your marriage. I think it's perfectly reasonable, especially in your situation. They may also want to include their families in a symbolic ceremony. We decided to go this route so our family and friends wouldn't feel like they missed out or bamboozled. Awesome! But our wedding is next month.

We got paper married a few months ago at the DMV for legal reasons. I’m sure that even if you do tell your friends/family that they would understand!

We will use that date for our anniversary, etc. Photo Credit: Connie Lyu on Bridal Musings via Lover.ly. Our wedding day is in November. You should let the officiant of your planned wedding know that you are already married. What if my mom doesn't answer her phone, my brother is too busy studying for med school or Chris's mom can't book a flight that quickly? Of course we didn’t see it that way, by getting legally married, we were giving ourselves better opportunities for better healthcare because we could afford it, better monetary stance because we were saving money, and ultimately, you have to go to the courts at some point anyways!!